My client Alyssa said, “I’m trying to do the six steps, but I get stuck! I ask questions but I don’t get any answers. What am I doing wrong?” Alyssa is not alone: this is the question clients ask me most often.
When your Inner Bonding practice goes off the rails, take a look at Step One (“Be willing to feel your feelings”) and Step Two (“Move into the intent to learn about those feelings.”) You’ll nearly always find the problem there. Here’s why:
- It is very easy—and very common— to get identified with a wounded part of you that wants to control another part of you.
- If you are trying to control, fix, or get rid of a feeling, you aren’t in the intent to learn.
- If you aren’t in the intent to learn, your inner parts won’t communicate with you, because they don’t trust you…and you get stuck.
This is why you must make sure that you aren’t trying to control, fix, or get rid of a feeling. And you’ve got to do that before you go on to Steps Three and Four.
So far, so good…but there’s a hitch. The very act of making sure you aren’t trying to fix or get rid of a feeling is a Loving Adult action: to be truly willing to feel your feelings, you have to be in the intent to learn. But that’s Step Two, and we are still on Step One! No wonder we get stuck.
This brings me to the most important insight I’ve ever had about Inner Bonding, which is saying something, because I’ve thought about it a lot:
Step One and Step Two are intertwined, like an infinity loop.
That’s the “secret.” You have to do them at the same time. And the best way to do that is through the body-grounding process* I’ll share with your today.
I can’t overemphasize how important this is. Listen to this recording, follow the process, then invite an inner dialogue with whatever is needing your attention. See what happens. Do this once a day for a week and your Inner Bonding practice will deepen noticeably. Do it every day ongoing and your Inner Bonding process will take off. Let me know how it goes.
COMING SOON: An mp3 (audio-only) version on the “Resources” page (under the “Free Stuff” tab) at www.luminoslistening.com, ready to download to your phone or tablet for easy use.
*The “bones” of this process come from Glenn Fleisch, who teaches Whole Body Focusing: thank you Glenn. I have played with it extensively to make the aspect of spiritual connection more explicit.